Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
TO BE A REPUBLICAN TODAY YOU MUST BELIEVE
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
* Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
* Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
* The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
* A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
* If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
* Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
* HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the American public at heart, as do oil and energy companies.
* Global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
* A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and invading citizens' privacy.
* The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
* It is morally reprehensible to steal or extort money from taxpayers if you are a liberal, but if you are a republican, it's only bad if you get caught.
If you don't send this to at least 10 other people in the next 10 minutes, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
* Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
* Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
* The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
* A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
* If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
* Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
* HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the American public at heart, as do oil and energy companies.
* Global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
* A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and invading citizens' privacy.
* The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
* It is morally reprehensible to steal or extort money from taxpayers if you are a liberal, but if you are a republican, it's only bad if you get caught.
If you don't send this to at least 10 other people in the next 10 minutes, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Sunday, September 03, 2006
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